It's Always the Same Men's Restroom

About a week ago, our director discovered a mess in one of our men's restrooms. He said it was not just a few sprinkles on the seat due to poor aim. Someone hit the seat and left a huge puddle between the toilet and the sink. Apparently it looked intentional, but I'm not an expert on male pee patterns.

Four days later, our director discovered another mess in the same restroom. He said it was exactly the same as the previous mess as far as placement and volume, and now he's certain it's intentional. Unfortunately, we can't think of a good way to catch our serial pisser, other than checking the restroom after each use.

I tried to cheer up our director by saying, "At least it's not exploding bowels again." He is retiring in two months and replied, "Oh, that is by far the worst memory I'll have from this job." When our director helped clean up the latter of the two bowel explosions (both in the same men's restroom as the more recent serial pissing), he had to go home to change his pants afterwards due to splashage. Worst memory indeed.

Lost and Found

The other night a patron reported that someone stole his bread. No, he wasn't using "bread" as slang for cash; he actually managed to lose a brand-new, bagged loaf of bread in the library. We never found it.

We did, however, find an unopened, still chilled, 1 lb package of ground beef in the computer lab at closing time awhile back.

Only 10 Minutes into the Morning

Girl standing by printer: Printing comes out here right?

Me: Yes, it does. Did you print something?

Girl: Yeah, but it's not doing anything.

Me: [Goes over to check.] Hmm, there's nothing in the queue. Is it still up on your computer? You could try printing it again.

Girl: I already deleted it.

Me: Ah, well, unfortunately it doesn't look like it's going to print. Was it a web page? Maybe we could bring it up again?

Girl: I don't remember what it was.

You don't remember what you printed just a minute ago, but it was important enough to print? This is why we waste so much paper here.

A few minutes later...

Man standing by printer: This is the printer, right?

Me: Yes, it is.

Man: I don't think it's working.

Me: [Goes over to check.] I don't see anything in the queue. Let's try again. Do you still have it up on your computer?

Man: Yes, I'm at this computer over here. [THANK DEWEY!]

Me: Let's see...you click on this Print button, and that should do it.

Man: Ohhhhh, I didn't click on that button.